I wasn’t convinced that I was going to write this fashion re-cap. Truth? I enjoy writing the “fancier” awards show recaps a bit more since I do love the fancy-schmancy dresses.
But really? Grammy garments are just fun. I love when the musicians and pop tarts wear fun ensembles and don’t take themselves too seriously. But then again, when you arrive at an awards show in a egg/uterus – it sort of makes me think you’re taking yourself a bit too seriously. But I digress. (I refuse to even show a picture of the stupid Gaga egg.)
Random thoughts about the show:
- Christina Aguilera is a spotlight-hog.
- Lady Gaga‘s performance was anticlimactic. Boring.
- I love Usher. I love Usher. And I forgive him for giving Bieber a spotlight.
- Are Will and Jada Pinkett Smith pimpin’ out their kids hardcore or WHAT? Geez.
- The awards show is too long. Thank goodness for DVR.
- Gwyneth Paltrow should be embarrassed.
- I’m always proud of Eminem when I see him. Toledo/Detroit… I got love.
Let’s start with the men, shall we?
Best usage of velvet and my best dressed for the evening:
Ray LaMontagne looks great. Beard is trimmed. Pinstriped pants look crisp. I enjoy that there’s no tie on the man. Well done.
Most conspicuous weapon inclusion:
Does it not look like Kevin McHale from Glee is packing a weapon? Weird. And his hair is far too tall.
And the Tim Gunn Fashion-law breaker award goes to:
Adam Levine of Maroon 5 is wearing cropped pants. These aren’t ok for men or women ever. Still, he’s hot.
Most impeccably (and frighteningly) groomed eyebrows:
Adam Lambert. Wow. Those are really something. I’m sorry, I can’t see what you’re wearing because I’ve been sucked in by those eyebrows. And the amount of makeup you’re wearing.
Best usage of conservative clothing:
While I enjoy Lil Wayne (no, I don’t) and I totally condone face tattoos (no, I don’t) I’m somewhat perplexed by this ensemble. Is that a wife beater (white tank) with a navy blue cardigan over top? Odd. It’s like he’s saying, “I could kill you… but only after Mr. Rogers is over.”
Best Poser (and I mean that in every way you can define “poser”):
The Situation. Oy vea.
Get out of jail free card goes to:
I love Usher. I do. But really? All of this is wrong. The hair, the weirdly-fitting pants… Still, the shoes are fun. Better luck next time.
The, “Why-are-you-wearing-platinum-teeth” award goes to:
Diddy. Now, I love me some Diddy. But this whole thing didn’t work at all. And, when I was
sitting DVRing through the E! Red Carpet special I couldn’t believe how adversely the platinum teeth affected his speech.
I’m thinking this is not the intended goal for rappers. So, minus 30 points for the teefs and plus 10 points for the 2 lines in his hair.
My favorite pants of the night:
Oh, Ricky Martin. Good for you. Good for you.
The, “You’re-on-your-way-to-looking-like-the-not-so-young-and-not-so-thin-Elvis” award goes to:
Ew. This look works for Johnny Depp. This does not work for you.
And the double-duty award goes to:
Little ‘ole Justin Bieber. It appears that before he walked the red carpet and waved to the screaming Be
liebweeners he valeted everyone’s cars.
It’s important that the youngins’ learn the importance of hard work, no?
This ensemble is too big for him.
And really? This is incredible. Barry Manilow is truly beyond belief. Wow. He, Kenny Rogers and Bruce Jenner should start a support group for men who’ve been spurned by their plastic surgeons. It’s just sad.
Ok, on to the women…
Best dressed. I had three that I loved. First, Jennifer Lopez. (I know, I know.) I loved her dress and her stems looked fantastic. Well done, J-Lo. (I’m still sorry that you’re married to that rat.)
Next, Kelly Osbourne. I love this one. I’d wear it in a heartbeat.
And, I also loved Monica in this black ensemble. It’s fantastic. Very Victoria-Beckham, no?
This also was a toss-up. Snooki looked horrendous. That “tan”. That “hair”. That dress and The Deb-style purse. (Remember that store?)
TERRIBLE. Go home.
And Miley Cyrus looked AWFUL. The dress was tacky. The side-boob was tacky. It was all bad. We get it, you’re growing up, you can do whatever you want… You look terrible, though.
The, “I-thought-I’d-wear-it-but-then-looked-at-it-again” award goes to:
Jada Pinkett Smith. I love this. It’s great. But then I re-looked at it and thought, “Hmmm… maybe that line down the center isn’t so great. Or so flattering.”
*Note, I will refrain from making snarky comments about Jada’s daughter’s outfit since she’s a minor.
The award for dressing 20-years-older-than-what-you-are award goes to:
Ohio’s own, Crystal Bowersox. Sista, this is not good. The color is great, sure. However, the look would be better suited for Helen Mirren.
The keepin-it-real award goes to:
Gretchen Wilson. I love when people totally stay true to who they are on the red carpet. Nice. I mean, she even said she’s a redneck woman, she “ain’t no high class broad.”
And the award for boring metallic dresses goes to:
LeAnn Rimes. Heidi Klum. Kim Kardashian.
I have no idea who Keri Hilson is or what she sings, but I think she looks great. Love the color of this dress, the angle of the neckline and her hair. Cool.
I like to shout out to the cute pregnant ladies. Jewel and Selma Blair look adorable.
Best usage of carnation-like paper flowers:
Rihanna. I just can’t make up my mind on this one. I mean, it’s fun. It’s crazy. It’s perfect for the grammys… yet oddly inappropriate.
The worst necklace of the evening:
Goes to Amber Riley (Glee). That shoulder thing? It’s part of her necklace. Gross.
Best use of hand-me-downs:
It appears that Nikki Minaj (sp?) is doing the green thing by wearing one of Gaga’s old outfits. Boring. And goofy-looking.
The too-much award goes to:
Katy Perry. The whole bride/angel/toga/long train look is just kind of too much. And really? This isn’t 1997, we don’t bare our bellies anymore, Britney Spears.
And… friends there’s more to talk about for sure. But, I’ve got a baby screaming…