Today I had my first postpartum semi-breakdown. It involved no tears (oddly) and was born out of sheer frustration.
You see, dear friends, when one has two children under the age of two-years-old — one is always needed. One is always multitasking.
And don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been a multitasker, so it’s sort of a comfortable transition. But I’m starting to realize that everything – and I mean everything – takes longer right now.
When we first had Lila we were so overwhelmed when we left the house. (I look back at that and laugh…) We had a laundry list of items that we couldn’t forget. And we double and triple-checked that list prior to leaving.
We thought that one baby was tough. HA!
Then Lila grew up and we found ourselves tasting the beautiful dessert that is called freedom. No more diaper bags. Nope. I’d just throw a diaper, wipes and a bag of pretzels and a sippy cup in my purse and off.we’d.go.
…then we added another one to the mix.
We’re back to the whole, “Ok, do we have diapers? An extra outfit? A burp cloth?”
Two weeks ago we went to the beach for a “spontaneous” little outing. We had both kids, towels, the diaper bag, hats, sunscreen, the camera, drinks, Vivienne’s pacifier, blankets, etc.
We got there and realized we forgot Lila’s food (it was dinner time) and her sand toys. (She ended up playing in the sand with her shoe. Thank God for the holes in crocs. They’re fun.) And, she ended up eating her friend Henry’s food since his Mom remembered to bring him some.
What I’m saying is, it’s always something…
Yesterday we tried going to the beach again. We had EVERYTHING: the toys, the food, the ladies, the bags, the towels.
Still, we forgot Vivienne’s pacifier. (This is a big deal to her.) And we also forgot the new addition to my daily routine: my must-be-taken-at-the-same-time birth control pill. So, the alarm on my phone went off after we were at the beach for only about 30 minutes and lo-and-behold we had to pack it all in so that I could go home and take my pill.
And… a bit of frustration.
I’m learning that this time in my life is NOT about me. It’s about everyone else.
…However, I remember learning after I had Lila that in order to take good care of Lila, I had to take care of me.
So, I know this needs to be done… I just haven’t figured out how to do it.
When I want to be blogging, I’m burping a baby.
When I want to be reading my kindle, I’m changing someone’s diaper.
When I want to be showering, I am attempting to sleep.
When I want to be exercising, I’m singing the A-B-C’s with someone.
When I want to be uploading cute videos of the ladies, I’m playing outside with sidewalk chalk.
When I want to leave the house, somebody starts losing their mind.
It’s kind of like this: I want it all… but there just isn’t enough time in the day.
I want “me” time, “ladies” time, “Craig” time and well… blogging/reading/responding to email/shopping/exercising/quiet time.
I’ve just got to figure out how.
‘Till then I shall attempt to soak myself in the coolness of this whole Mommy thing. I love these ladies. I love this life.
And, I shall be thankful for each spare Kylee-minute I get.
(NOTE: So if it takes me DAYS to respond to your email, or your text message – forgive me. Ok? I’ll get there…)