So as it turns out this whole full-time working Mom of a toddler and a baby had me down for a bit. I wrote about it here but I didn’t say too much. I like to keep this little blog light and happy… and I wasn’t feeling so light and happy. Tough stuff.
I wasn’t loving that I work. I just wanted to be home with my babies. I wasn’t experiencing a delayed post-partum depression… it was more a delayed post-partum work depression.
I’ll be clear: two babies in two years isn’t the issue. That part of my life I LOVE. I’m proud of the family we’ve created. I even like the timing of it all.
However, trying to live the same life I lived before two babies in two years? That is the hard part.
Chaos. This is the only word I can use to describe our life right now. It’s sometimes well-organized chaos. And sometimes it’s hilarious chaos. On some days it’s cry-your-eyes-out chaos — but everyday, well… it’s a little nutty.
Packing lunches, making bottles, taking a preschooler to school, work, then pumping, then meetings, then conference calls, then more pumping, then retrieving said preschooler from school, then more pumping, then making meals, then bath time, then nursing, then reading books, then, then, then…
There’s always something, isn’t there?
[Can I get an amen?]
I refuse to believe that balance exists. I also refuse to believe that I’m failing someone at any given time.
Instead, I believe that this chaos is widespread and normal and that it will not last forever.
Know what else?
I’m not alone.
Most parents I know who have younger-ish children are quite familiar with the chaos that we’re dealing with over in this neck of the woods. They’re lingering in it, too.
Hello – welcome to my boat. It appears that we’re all in this together. Care for a paddle? Or a cocktail?
I had allowed myself to conjure up this clouded notion that my life would be better if I were able to stay at home with my babies. I’d be happier. More fulfilled. More content… and I’d have more time for me.
Um. And then I talked to my best friend who is currently staying at home with her three children.
[Disclaimer: I do not want to get into a working Mom versus SAHM debate. Not the point of this.]
I asked my best friend if she ever has time for herself. She snickered and responded with a, “No” faster than I could blink.
No, of course she doesn’t have time to be alone.
Someone is tagging along behind her each time she goes to the bathroom, too.
And she feels as if she’s never getting enough one-on-one time with her little ones, too.
She feels guilt.
She feels overwhelmed.
And, while she’s at home with her babies doing incredibly valuable work — she sometimes feels as if she’s missing out by not currently working on her career; her interests.
You feel like you are missing out too?!
In some sort of sick and twisted way, I loved hearing this. I loved hearing that she feels precisely how I feel.
The grass isn’t always greener.
My attitude has shifted a bit. I get it. I’m learning. (Oh my, I’m so pleased that we’re always learning…) This little slump in my life has reminded me to be grateful.
I’m thankful for my time with my family. I’m thankful for the insanity of this season of my life.
I’m embracing the crazy and I’m grateful for it.