|They’re totally trustworthy.|
1. Vivi calls grapes “green blueberries.”
“I’m going to change you for a new Mom.”
I sort of have a feeling that’s not the first time I’m going to hear that…
|“Camping” in my house.|
Her: “I almost don’t fit on your lap anymore!”
Me: “I know. It makes my heart sad.”
Her: “Don’t worry. You can always hold me… but… you and Daddy are probably going to have to buy me some bigger clothes.”
6. They had just had spaghetti for dinner and Vivi was complaining about how full she was and how much “sketti” was in her belly.
Lila, with an exasperated look and voice said, “VIVI, it isn’t ‘sketti’. IT IS BAH-SKETTI. BAH-SETTI, ok?”
7. They were playing the other day and Vivi wouldn’t let Lila do something or Vivi said something mean to Lila – I don’t really know because I mean really? It could have been about any myriad of things.
All that I know is that when I came upon the scene Lila was storming off after just having told her sister: “Vivi. You just ‘broked’ my heart.”
We teach passive aggression early in this family.
(By bottom, she meant the underneath of the cow. The udders.)
(By booty, she meant the behind of the cow. Oy.)
Whose kids are these?
10. I was picking up the girls from school and Lila was explaining to me that her substitute teacher had very, very long beautiful black hair. We started talking about our differences and how it’s cool that we’re all different; Lila has long blonde hair and her sub had long black hair. Lila alerted me: “You know, boys and girls are different.”
I literally gripped the steering wheel and was on the edge of my seat in the car just waiting for whatever was going to come from my almost-five-year-old’s lips next:
Me: “It’s true. Boys and girls are different.”
Lila: “Yeah, boys go to the bathroom standing up and girls to go the bathroom sitting down.”
Me: “Yep. That’s true.”
Then Vivi interjects: “Because they have a tail. Boys have tails.”
Me: Dying inside. Laughing. Hold.it.together. Be mature. YOU ARE THE PARENT.
Lila: “Vivi, they do not have ‘tails’.” They have a thing and the thing has a little hole in it and that’s where the you-know-what comes out.”
Me: Thinking: Omg. Omg. Omg. Stop it. I’m dying.
Vivi to Lila: “You don’t say the right thing.” (This is a bi-lingual kid saying, “You don’t know what what you’re talking about.”)
Lila: “Yes, I do.”
And that was it.
I asked Lila where she learned this valuable info, she said at school. And she also said, “I also know that we’re all born’d differently.”
I literally though, “Oh no. Oh no.”
Then she went on to say, “Yes, so some of us are born’d boys and some of us are born’d girls.”
End of story.