Happy birthday, Mom.
A lot has changed in this past year. I’ve made some changes. I’ve changed the day-in and day-out schedule of my life because I felt like I needed to. I needed to spend more time with the girls, Mom. For the first time in my life I did something that may “put me behind” the rat race because it felt right. It was the right thing to do for me; for my family. Life is short. Right, Mom?
I wanted so badly to walk through this path with you; ask your opinion then ignore it. [smile] Then ask it again. I wanted to hear, verbally, out loud, in plain English, “Kylee, you’re doing the right thing. It sounds like a good idea to me.”
Nothing used to settle my heart like hearing that…
I fought it for so much of my life. But the truth is, your approval has always mattered to me. You matter. You still matter.
And, even though you’re gone, you’re not. You’re simply not.
You are in my heart and I am so happy that you were here.
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for my sister. Oh, thank you for her.
Thank you for gifting us strength and courage and faith and tenacity.
Thank you for making us brave and strong. And funny. 🙂
As I get older, my respect for you grows more and more. And even though I can’t hug you, my heart holds you close. Even though I can’t eat crab legs with you today, I smile as I hear your name on the lips of your granddaughter.
Tonight I went to a paint party, Mom. One of those things where guests sit around painting their version of what the teacher has painted. I painted circles, because I hate hearts. And while we were painting, Danny’s song came on. And I remember the years when we’d be driving in the car, windows rolled down, you singing, me rolling my eyes yet still humming along in my head…
“And even though we ain’t got money
I’m so in love with you honey,
Everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise,
Bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me, everything’s… gonna be all right.”
It’s true, Mom.
Happy birthday, sweet little Mom of mine.
I love you to the moon and back a bazillion times.
Thanks for being mine. For always.
(I miss you.)
(The teacher’s/template is on the left. Mine on the right. I call it, “Donut Heaven.” Shirl did teach me to go my own way…)
—The Story of Loss. On Losing my Mom.
September 30, 2013 :: Slivers of Sunlight :: Post here.
October 6, 2013 :: That first week.Those first days :: Post here.
October 14, 2013 :: 14 days after :: Post here.
October 20, 2013 :: I found a treasure :: Post here.
November 4, 2013 :: She’s been gone for 4 weeks :: Post here.
November 13, 2013 :: I smile and drive and cry and smile and cry :: Post here.
November 17, 2013 :: Weekends aren’t easy :: Post here.
November 26, 2013 :: The holidays, the firsts :: Post here.
December 1, 2013 :: 8 weeks :: Post here.
December 10, 2013 :: The Dream :: Post here.
December 19, 2013 :: Vulnerability and Moving Forward :: Post here.
December 22, 2013 :: The reminders. They’re everywhere :: Post here.
December 29, 2013 :: 2013 :: Post here.
January 1, 2014 :: The New Year :: Post here.
January 7, 2014 :: 2 days from 4 months :: Post here.
January 17, 2014 :: Another Gift :: Post here.
January 25, 2014 :: She would have been 60 today :: Post here.
February 9, 2014 :: Five months :: Post here.
March 6, 2014 :: Almost six months :: Post here.
March 27, 2014 :: One of the Best Gifts Ever :: Post here.
April 1, 2014 :: We’re all in this together :: Post here.
April 24, 2014 :: 7 Months, Easter and Nope, I’m still not normal. :: Post here.
May 6, 2014 :: Mother’s Day without a Mom :: Post here.
June 1, 2014 :: Moving “forward” :: Post here.
July 6, 2014 :: Denial & acceptance & blah, blah, blah :: Post here.
August 20, 2014 :: So, I’m 35 :: Post here.
September 2, 2014 :: 7 days :: Post here.
September 8, 2014 :: The Day Before a Year :: Post here.
September 9, 2014 :: Hello, one year :: Post here.
October 11, 2014 :: The brain is funny :: Post here.
November 6, 2014 :: Love :: Post here.
November 30, 2014 :: Post here.
December 4, 2014 :: Another feather. Post here.
December 28, 2014 :: All was calm, all is bright. Post here.
January 18, 2015 :: They’re always with us? They’re always with us. Post here.
January 25, 2015 :: And today I remember. Post here.
March 8, 2015 :: A year and a half later. Post here.
April 16, 2015 :: And here I stand. Post here.
April 29, 2015 :: Joan & Shirley. Post here.
August 26, 2015 :: Perspective. Post here.
September 9, 2015 :: Two Years After. Post here.
November 1, 2015 :: Watching others go through it. Post here.