1. For the Christmas season, I”d like to replace Trump with “Puffalump.”
I think that would calm the fury, no?
“Did you read about Puffalump’s cabinet choices?”
(This is a puffalump. I had a yellow one.)
2. I want Facebook to turn off for a day. It can be considered a public service.
People would go to the site and be like, “WHAT IN THE PUFFALUMP JUST HAPPENED? WHERE IS FACEBOOK? HOW WILL I KNOW WHAT MY NEIGHBOR’S CHRISTMAS TREE LOOKS LIKE? HOW WILL I KNOW WHAT MY COUSIN ATE FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT?”
And then each time people viciously refreshed their facebook page, it would say things like:
Go outside and play.
Read a book.
Go talk to your kids.
Go do something you did before Facebook was born.
3. I want Instagram videos to go away. Instead, I’d prefer to scroll through the *still* and *calm* lives of others wistfully, without hearing their children screaming in the background.
I assume this is how my relatives felt when movie pictures started including sound and became talkies. It adds a whole new, unwanted dimension.
I want to see the lovely things, not hear them.
My own kids are yelling in the background, that’s why I need your beautiful images to be jealous of.
4. I want snapchat to go away because it scares me that our collective attention span is decreasing by the hour and is hovering right around 15-second chats.
And, I just don’t love that I can waste 20 minutes putting filters on my face.
5. I want Kanye & the Kardashians to take a break.
I think that would be a fine Christmas gift for all of us. No?
Let’s be honest, they’ve made all the money, and now they need to incorporate meditation and some tranquility into their lives.