It seems to me that the solar eclipse provides the ideal excuse for just about anything.
The reason I think this is so: my children don’t go back to school on Monday, August 21st, like we had anticipated and planned (and pined for) all summer long. Why? Because of the eclipse.
[insert upside down face emoji here]
I get it, I get it… even though we may catch 25% of the action down here on the Baja, no one wants to take the blame for the burning of minors’ retinas.
Here are some of the things I plan on not doing, based on the fact that there’s a total eclipse [of the heart].
1. The obvious one:
I can’t go to work. What if I look at the sun? There’s an eclipse. I might look up while I’m on the clock. Then what? THEN WHO IS GOING TO DO THE MARKETING?
Easy solution: don’t go.
2. The grammar-based one:
I’m sorry, I can’t do anything today. I feel bad that the eclipse is getting all of the attention when ellipses never get any love… You know… I mean…
3. The celebration one:
Oh man, I’ll be at my house on Monday, August 21st during the solar eclipse celebrating Bonnie Tyler and her 1983 hit, “Total Eclipse of the heart.”
Turn around, bright eyes…
…EVERY NOW AND THEN I FALL APART.
If we don’t celebrate Bonnie now, when will we? In another 100 years?
4. The food-related one:
I am only going to eat food that starts with an an “e” on Eclipse Day, like eclairs.
And eggs. And extra-crunch peanut butter.
Ok, that’s all.
My words of wisdom? Don’t look at the sun ANY day.
And wear sunscreen.
AND another thing, I really wish I would have produced and marketed eclipse glasses. ENTIRE schools bought these things. Instant eclipsonaires.