Two Pretzels 2019 Emmy Red Carpet Fashion Recap

Ok, let’s do this.

First off, I kind of liked most of the 2019 Emmy red carpet dresses this time around. It was so much better than dreary black of awards shows past. (I am not commenting on black dresses tonight, though. I just don’t want to.)

Let’s focus on the color, shall we? I adore the pink and red combo… but then I saw that EVERYONE was wearing it.

Taraji P. Henson looks AMAZING. Nicely done. I myself would get tangled up in all of that tulle/chiffon, but I’m not known for my gracefulness.

Next, Susan Kelechi Watson rocked the pink and red, as well… and I didn’t love it so much. The shoulder poofs seem kind of sad. Like post-baby up-top sad.

Sad trombone.

Dascha Polanco’s sleeves definitely look more full than our friend above, but I’m not sure that’s a win? This blush and bashful gown is just a bit… too precious for me.

Erin Lim in this petal pink gown does work for me, though. But really. So much sleeve focus. It’s a lot. Still, this works for me. I like* it.

*I didn’t say love.

This Louis Vuitton gown on Sophie Turner is perfect.

I don’t love the choker, though. May the record state, again, that I don’t like chokers.

Also in pink, Sara Sutherland below.
Is this a happy decision?
Who knows. I can’t quite tell.

This does appear to be a happy summer gown but she appears to be in a darker, autumnal state of mind. I get it. This just isn’t working for me.

Note: I don’t know how I feel about midriff-baring as a general rule.

Midriff #2: Greta Lee.

I’m losing/lost my edge? Perhaps. The skirt is too tight, which is kind of unbelievable since it looks like a 00 to begin with. That’s my ONE complaint. I kind of like the rest. (I’d like to see the back.)

See what I’m saying about color? It was everywhere! It appears that Julissa Bermudez and Kristin Cavallari were both inspired by bananas.

(Who can blame them? It’s an inspiring fruit.)

Julissa’s is wearing the frilly version of Kristin’s sophisticated banana.

Meh.

And Katheryn Newton. Meh again. I mean. A vest. A yellow meh skirt.

This did nothing for me. A missed opportunity.

Jumping in wearing RED is Vera Farmiga who is displaying an ill-fitting gown that had zero chance of looking mediocre at best.

I don’t feel like Vera needs to show midriff or anything, but showing WRIST or NECK is totally ok.

Totally ok.

And then there’s Emilia Clarke. I’m concerned she may be wearing her dress backward. Can someone research that for me? Perhaps we can cut some fabric out of Vera’s gown and just add it to the front? You know, as a modesty insert?

Also in a great midnight blue, Rachel Brosnahan. She looks amazing.

LOVE this Ellie Saab Haute Couture.

Ok, let’s go over my “Better Luck Next Time” list.

Let’s start with Amy Adams.

This beautiful woman was placed in a tragic gown.
It’s ginormous.
It’s ill-fitting.
The collar and the sleeves and the length and the fit.
NO.

This pains me, it pains me to do this. Because I heart HER, but based strictly on outfit choice…

… SOMEONE has done Amy wrong.

Could this be any more unflattering? No.
Her shoe is STUCK in her pants. Dangerous.
We should not, as a general rule, ADD extra fabric to our hips just because. (Unless we are genies.)
This is just so sad.

Here’s pants done right: Melanie Liburd. She’s a little bride, a little groom and a lot cute. I love a peplum. This is fun.

Note: shoe not stuck in pants.

Halsey looked amazing. I love me some ombre.

Padma Lakshmi looks lovely.
And, she’s the ideal meme.
She just looks so… not pleased.
In both pictures.
Was the sun in her eyes?
Was she just not having it?
Been there.

It’s kind of a variation of what she wore LAST year to the Grammys.

Meh.

Laverne Cox.
I like the bottom. I don’t like the hat on the top shoulder.

I don’t think shoulders need hats. Am I wrong?

This gown reminds me of those little white things in bird’s cages. You know the things they peck at?

Eek.

Maya Rudolph can do no wrong.

Move along. Nothing to see here.

Jenny McCarthy has done wrong.

I didn’t know the emmys had an 80’s theme this year.

I didn’t get the fax.

Confession:
I didn’t watch Game of Thrones.
I haven’t read Harry Potter.
And I’m totally fine with both of those things.
I don’t fault any of you who do, but, I just can’t get on board with all of those made-up names. Because with those made-up names comes outfits like this.

And I can’t get behind this.

Brittany Snow looks beautiful… but it’s very Glinda / Christine Chenowith.

I mean, ok.

You’ve used your Get out of Oz Free card, don’t do this again.

So Indya Moore wore this.

This was a shoo-in for my worst dressed.
The circle zipper.
The bustier that looks deformed.
The groin-draping.
I can’t.

And, my final worst dressed is Janet Mock.

Are those LUNGS showing on the outside of her gown?
Is this an homage to a turkey gobble neck-thing?
Is it a duvet? It’s just too much. I can’t.
The only benefit, I can see, is that if you get bored during the show you wad up the top piece and sleep on it.

It’s like a “bed in a bag” but instead a “bed on your bod.”

And my favorites?

Jameela Jamil looked LOVELY.

It’s just enough midriff. The color is sensational on her skin. It’s on-trend. It’s lovely.

Ya’ll. You know I like a print. THIS is fun.

Heidi Gardner looks like fun. And I love her bag. This is just happy.

(I can hear you disagreeing with me.)

Another best dressed? I LOVED Kerry Washington’s look. Is there anything better than a crisp white shirt and sequins pants? I mean, that’s what I always say.

I also loved Phoebe Walker Bridge in Monique Lhuillier.
This is STUNNING.

And my best dressed?

The only gown of the evening that made me gasp was Mandy Moore’s Brandon Maxwell creation.

So, there you have it. My best dressed of the evening.

I think her entire look is ON. The hair is BIG — which I love. The shades of the red and pink — yassss.

THIS is perfection.

Ok, friends. What did you think?