Grief

My Mom and my girls - July 2013

My Mom died on September 9th, 2013.

I was expecting it.

But then again, I wasn't.

Not like that...

Read about the whole process, starting with the first post, here.

When you lose a parent.

Grief, Life, Uncategorized · March 15, 2011

When you lose a parent.

Grief, Uncategorized · November 13, 2007

TP Grief

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At any given time I have 15+ tabs open in at least

At any given time I have 15+ tabs open in at least 2 windows in the google chrome browser on my computer.

I've read about the inefficiency of multi-tasking and I affirm it.

Yet, here I am.
Feeling suffocated.
Slightly overwhelmed.
A little hungry.
A lot tired.
Too many tabs open.

Life is lovely, but it's also sometimes burdensome.

So many decisions, so many pieces of information floating through the air into our phones, our inboxes... our brains, our hearts.

We simply cannot do it all.
Or hold it all.
We cannot make all of the decisions.
Or remember to shave the other leg.
Sometimes the scales tip more toward difficult and hard.
Life is heavy.

Sometimes the scales are elevated toward light and happy.
And sometimes... when we least expect it, on a golden day, there are moments of pure contentment... when all seems right with the world.

Like the quiet of the house when the kids finally fall asleep.
The smell of rain on asphalt.
The call from the doctor with the clear results.
The hug that you've been waiting for.
The cup of tea, with the perfect amount of milk and sugar.
The windows open, the breeze, and your favorite song playing.
The blush and bashful bouquet of summery flowers in a jar.

The tabs are always going to be open.
Life is always going to be... full.
We're always going to have a lot going on.

Maybe the trick is looking for the golden moments in the midst of the chaos.

I hope you find yours.

Xo,
Ky

#Tired #blushandbashful #pinkAndPink #gerberas

Yesterday, Lila told me that she’s concerned abo

Yesterday, Lila told me that she’s concerned about me when I’m not with her. She likes to know I’m ok.

I thanked her for her concern, but reminded her that for 30 years I managed to get by on my own before she came into my world — I’ll be fine.

This morning I’m re-thinking that answer.

An equal distribution of concern is a good thing.

We aren’t meant to do life alone and being “fine” doesn’t earn a trophy.

It’s a good thing to accept the love and concern of those around us. It helps us feel loved and helps them feel functionally needed.

These two little ladies are extensions of my heart running, jumping, playing, exploring, and living their lives while tethered to my heart with a bungee cord.

I am forever concerned for them.
They are concerned for me.
And hopefully, for one another.

And that’s really how it should be.

Now I need to go let Lila know that I thought about it more and I appreciate her concern.

Happy Sunday.

Xo,
Ky

#growingup #girlmom #caboexpat #mexpat #likapickle #vivicake

Dear little kid Kylee, You’re fine. You’ll b

Dear little kid Kylee,

You’re fine.

You’ll be fine.

The grown-out spikey mullet.
The boy’s swim trunks as shorts.
The black socks with white loafers…
...it was fully you.

You were different, that’s for sure.

There were no ruffle-shouldered jean jackets or white Keds.
No braided hair barrettes with your name on them.

(You didn’t even really want that anyway… though it *would* have probably been nice to see “Kylee” on something, anything — even a pencil.)

Still, I’m so thankful you had a Mom who just sort of encouraged you to be you. Because of her, you got pretty comfortable in your own skin.

So embrace the weird, because you’re fine.

More than fine.

Xo,
Ky

Here, here to the parents who take their cues from their kids. 🏆

Editors note: Right around this time I went to the ENT for chronic ear infections (still have hearing loss today) and my ENT asked my Dad, “So… what seems to be the problem with **him**?” (These pronoun mix ups were common. I mean, come on.)

The “no earrings until you’re 13” rule received a parental overrule and I was taken to Northtowne Mall and was allowed to get my ears pierced.

Big thanks to my spike hair for that small win.

#TBT #GlowUp #ThrowBack #LetThemBeKids #YouDoYou #GrowingUpInThe80s #sweetmullet #DontBeJealous #MyMomWasSoCool #resilientkids

I was never a beachy girl. I preferred pools. The

I was never a beachy girl. I preferred pools.

Then I found my hour.
Sunset.
That golden time, that perfect light. The blazing sun retreats a bit and we can inhale and exhale.

This week my family was at the beach… what, five times?

A wave absconded with a pair of my sunglasses this week and Vivi dumped a bucket full of sand in my car, but oh… the water… it is perfect right now.

Thankful for this place.

Thankful for the guy I don’t know sitting within earshot for the killer playlist.

Thankful for my oldest daughter who may be part mermaid.

Thankful for my littlest one who isn’t, but deals.

Thankful for my man who holds all the shells and is on constant lifeguard alert.

Thankful for it all.

Xo,
Ky

P.S. Also so thankful that I had my breast implants removed. Willing to say it was the best health-related decision I’ve ever made.

#cabolife #expatlife #caboExpat #beachvibes #istilldontlikesand #explant #enbloccapsulecotmy #breastimplantillness is real.

I bought a DENIM jumpsuit and it may become my uni

I bought a DENIM jumpsuit and it may become my uniform. AND I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT IT.

I wore it today and… my inner dialogue goes like this:

“When can I wear this again without people wondering if I ever wash this?”

Then I’m like, “Give it two weeks, Kylee. People will forget. PEOPLE WILL FORGET.”

Perhaps posting this on Instagram isn’t helping my plan…

Just know, when you see me, I’ll probably be wearing this. Act like it’s fine.

We all must follow our inner knowing, as Glennon says. Mine is whispering, “Denim is where it’s at… denim is where it’s at…”

(Feel free to unfollow me now.)

Xo,
Ky

P.S. This is from Anthropologie. Bracelets are @budhagirl. I adore them. They’re waterproof, don’t clank and are TSA approved ✅.

#ifIDieYoungBuryMeInDenim #rompertime #jumpsuit #denimEveryday #yassss #fashionshow #glennondoyle #glennonsays

I phở sure got my second Pfizer vaccine this pas

I phở sure got my second Pfizer vaccine this past weekend in the States. (And I ate amazing food.)

"Kylee, why did you go to the States to get your vaccine?"

In the state of Baja California Sur, where I live, they just opened up vaccinations to people in the 50+ age group. I am 41. Supplies are very, very limited. So, I thought I'd go back to the States and take the strain off the system here.

"Kylee, why did you get the vaccine?"

Originally, I was on team "No-way-in-hell-will-I-get-that-vaccine," but alas, I changed my mind like we are free to do.

I *do* vaccinate my children on my own schedule and I never get the flu shot. But, as I read more about the science behind it (and less the conspiracy theories), it felt like *the right decision for me.*

I live on a peninsula and my medical infrastructure is not the same as many in the States. So, if I can mitigate severe covid by getting a vaccine, Imma do it. And, if I can prevent transmission to someone with a weaker immune system, Imma do that, too.

"Kylee, how'd it go?"

Shot #1 - was a breeze. Sore arm. A little sleepy.

Shot #2 - kicked my butt at the 12-hour point. That kick-butt period (intense body-aches, perhaps fever -- I didn't have a thermometer -- and general malaise) lasted until I zombie-like left for my flight home the next morning at 7:00 am. (Not my finest flight travel planning.)

I got home, Craig had washed the sheets, had lavender diffusing and a cold glass of water waiting for me. (He is wonderful.)

It's now 48 hours later and I feel a little tired, a little sore in my arm and wholly relieved that this is over.

"Kylee, are you worried about viral shedding and the implantation of a microchip?"

Well, cell phone towers already know where I am at all times and google already knows everything about me, so... the way I see it, if perhaps my internal GPS improves after this, it will not have been for naught.

Xo,
Ky

P.S. San Francisco, I love your food.

P.S. This post is an exercise in vulnerability. I know I can trust all of you not to be judgmental of my decision and for that I LOVE you. 😘 🤗

#fullyvaxxed #ExpatLife #NowICanHugEVERYONE #youdoyou #foodpuns

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